Ow

I have a bunch of aches and pains.  My ankle, which I broke in multiple places when I was eight months pregnant with Clark Kent (years ago), hurts when it's cold, humid, or when I do too much.  My back, which I injured in middle school mistaking myself for a gymnast temporarily, hurts when I sleep on it funny or I lift things or I fail to stretch before bed.  My neck is sore and makes crunching noises when I turn my head, especially if I do head rolls to the left.  I don't do head rolls to the right so I'm not sure if it would make crunching noises going that way.  My knees take turns complaining to me about too much sitting without stretching and too much weight on them and especially if I try to crawl around on the floor or crouch or squat or go either up or down stairs.  My hips seize up if I walk up a steep hill like the one I live on.

I'm also getting wrinkly.  My hands are definitely wrinkly and every time I joyously succeed at losing a pound or two, I notice additional wrinkliness.  I may subconsciously be trying to fail at weight loss in order to avoid looking wrinklier and therefore older.  When I'm chubby, the fat pushes out my skin and the wrinkles are smoothed nicely.  My own personal botox treatments.  But it's just cheese taken orally.  So I'm chubby.  And the additional weight makes my knees and ankle and back and hips more achey.  So old I guess is winning.

I am torn at this mid-point in my life between trying to feel younger and admitting my age.  It's quite a tug of war going on actually.  I want to do things like ride merry go rounds and watch comedies and learn to ice skate.  I like to make faces at my kids and lick a lollipop and have pancakes for dinner and ice cream for breakfast.  And I want to, simultaneously, make a difference in the world and truly be cultured and avoid contributing to the overall decline in formal written language.  But I also want to say, "f--- that" and turn up the rock really loud and sing along at the top of my lungs.  But then I need to eat better and recycle more and get on a bicycle.  Or watch the complete works of Mel Brooks all in a row and have to order in Chinese food because I can't stop watching long enough to cook and learn to juggle and make that really loud whistle sound with my fingers.

Sigh.

I really don't want to do anything that requires any significant effort on my part.  And I want a feeling of grand accomplishment.  Or maybe I could be wealthy enough to hire someone to accomplish things for me while feeding me bon bons.  But I only want to be wealthy if there is nothing I have to do to get there.  I'm too achy and wrinkly for putting out an effort.