Roller coasters

I don't like roller coasters.  I wonder why anybody would like roller coasters.  I also don't like scary movies.  Unless they're really really funny.  I don't like jumping off the ground or being lifted.  I'm really just not very trusting when it comes to that sort of thing.  I want to have my feet on the ground at all times, except maybe when I'm sitting on a comfy couch with an ottoman or lying on a bed.  To be frank, I'm not even all that comfortable on a bicycle and any kind of skates or skiing or anything like that isn't so much fun for me either.  I'm a terrible swimmer and won't put my face in the water, except in a shower for about two seconds at a time and only if the water isn't too strong.  I prefer being the driver to being the passenger, which makes flying on airplanes really awkward for me.  I would rather do the cooking than be the guest too.  I even like throwing my own birthday party.

I don't really think of myself as a control freak, per se, although I might be interested to hear arguments on that from my family members.  Sandman is very forward about telling everybody that I'm "high maintenance."   I guess that means maybe I am a control freak.  So as I grow old(er), this seems to be manifesting itself in a general misery over doing much of anything.  I don't like anything anymore.  I prefer the familiar and comfortable.  I'm re-reading books and going to visit my favorite museum exhibits and seeing shows I know and watching reruns of old television series' and making dishes I used to like.  I've lost my will to experiment.  It's all kind of hopeless and a giant disappointment that I anticipate will ruin everything.  I only want to talk to old friends and then I prefer to listen.  I want to watch my children instead of doing things with them.

I used to be very trusting about loyalty and love and the bonds among colleagues and cohorts of various kinds.  That's all quite gone.  The more recent "friends" proved fair weather.  If I ask nothing of them, perhaps they won't disappoint.  A kind of personal "don't ask; don't tell" policy.

So being unemployed is really not my cup of tea.  I have no control.  Just anxiety.  It feels like I'm sitting at the top of the roller coaster, which I don't like to be on.  And I can anticipate only that unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach, approaching.  So how do I pick myself up by my own bootstraps now that I've given my boots to Peter Parker?  I need to embrace some adventure.  And it's just not in my nature.

Today, the president announced his support for same-sex marriage.  He clearly has a sense of adventure.  He likes the roller coaster.  I need to embrace that model.